Depression in jiu jitsu
One thing that is not commonly discussed is the role of mental health on your jiu jitsu performance. Even though there may be occasional posts from those who talk about their mental condition/illness, they are often confined to the accounts dedicated for mental health purposes.
I think that mental health is something that people can talk about more. Today’s newsletter is about depression and how it affects me in jiu jitsu.
I was diagnosed with depression at the end of 2019. I was unemployed during the course of trying to change careers. I also had ringworm, so I wasn’t able to train Jiu Jitsu or see any of my friends. Looking back now, that period of my life was pretty tough. My depression had always been there, but these external circumstances kicked it into high gear.
When you have depression, you have to do more work than someone who does not in order to stay productive and happy. This means therapy and a maintenance drug for me. In addition to that, you have to be aware that how you feel from one day to another is not always within your control, but you can choose to respond to them positively.
My depression is coupled with my anxiety. Loud music and voices make me nervous and distracted. I’m also hyper vigilant by nature, so the smallest things can distract me. Or, in a surprising opposite twist, I can overly fixate on something, like a word someone used or the way someone is carrying themselves. It can make for a stressful learning experience if I’m not careful or prepared enough.
Most of my depression stems from how I view myself after training sessions. It used to be really easy to let “bad” moments dictate my mood. It has gotten a lot better now thanks to extensive professional help, but sometimes, it’s still out of my control. When that happens, I understand that the uncomfortable feelings in my chest when I think about Jiu Jitsu are temporary, and that more often than not, I will enjoy the training when I’m there.
Understanding these challenges and learning ways for me to handle them has been a huge growing experience. I’ve come a long way from simply avoiding the scenarios to more of a “wait and see” approach that allows me more nuance in how I confront my thoughts and situations. Where I have been quick to make judgments or to run away, I’ve been more accepting of what’s happening INSIDE me versus what I think is happening TO me.
Understanding depression helps me manage and fight it, as well as accept it. I have become more mentally aware and engaged in expressing my feelings and not trying to hide from parts of myself. This honesty has made me a better martial arts athlete and student.
Thanks for reading,
Tracy Huang